Various Thoughts and Cogitations, New Version

[Fast Harley]

I've been neglecting my column that I used to put a lot of "thought"  into, and I have had some
requests, (one,) to revive It. The last version is back about page eleven!
So I was thinking: Except for the obvious: Death, disease, and maybe taxes, there's not much that
is worse than bad neighbors. The modern version of that is much worse than the antique version was.
When I was a child the worst neighbor, possibly, that we had yelled VERY loudly at his wife when he
was drinking. (Never touched her as far as I know.) A finer woman never lived and he was a fine man
when sober. Next was a man with a heart of gold who would help any neighbor do anything. However,
I hated to see him coming because he liked to brag on himself, and he liked to tell really stupid tall
tales. The closest neighbors we had weren't really neighbors at all. (She was Dad's first cousin.) The
two of them were actually my second set of parents. I miss them almost daily.
No one locked their doors and didn't need to. I knew almost everyone from our house to downtown, a
mile away. Oh, for the fine neighborhood of long ago.
Harley.

[Fast Harley]

And here's another: This past Saturday, my chiropractor, who is also my friend, (I've been going
to his office every six weeks since '86,) fell while hunting and broke his arm. I'm being facetious
about this, but it seems to me there's nothing more useless than a one-armed chiropractor!
F.H.

[Fast Harley]

And yet another: At the Tn. State match we had a very nice lady that kept score for us
the entire match. Many of you who were there know that it was breezy and quite chilly
on Saturday. The second stage of the day, the fort, this lady was sitting in the corner of
wall and Lonesome Al happened to be close so she called him her "wind breaker." Now,
it so happened, (I'm not making this up,) that we had a shooter on our posse named,
Kentucky Windbreaker. He, and everyone picked up on this, so from then on she had
these two guys on each side of her whenever possible. How many of you would like to
have a windbreaker on each side of you? I'm just sayin'.
F.H.

[Jackalope]

...How many of you would like to have a windbreaker on each side of you? I'm just sayin'...

I guess that would depend...

Are they breaking wind in a good way?

                        or

Are they breaking wind because of something they ate?

I'm just askin'...           

[Fast Harley]

All I know is the person with said alias chewed bubblegum the entire match.
Scorekeeper lady offed him a piece of candy.
He says, "Got bubblegum."
She says, "Put it in the other side."
His answer was: "No, gives me gas."
F.H.

[Sheriff Langston]

In the spirit of Various Thoughts and Cogitations I though I would re-post the following, originally put on the SASS Wire.   Sadly the story is true. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I have a very small workshop off my carport.  Lots of reloading and woodwork tools. Crammed full.  Last summer I noticed a snake tail move back under stacked portable workbenches and

paint cans.

I’m not fond of snakes.  Truthfully, they scare the snot out of me.

I needed to reload ammo, so I could not just close the door and pretend I did not see it.  So, I called in the big guns.

My wife is a fiery 90 pounds or so and knowing I would have my bravery questioned, I called for assistance.
 
I took the humiliation, “It’s just a snake for heavens sake” etc.  However, I knew it was not a problem I could handle myself.  I knew at this point I am less than a cowboy.

Because of the weight of the portable equipment I was engaged by the wifey eliminator to move piece by piece until she could get a clear shot (no, not a weapon) at them.  After demanding

access to two broomsticks, which I readily procured, she proceeded to snag the evil reptile as one would a noodle with a pair of chopsticks.  Them demanded I get out of the way with I think,

another derogatory statement about my manhood.

I did.

She then deftly placed the critter at the tree line across from our country road while constantly berating the slimy animal with rhetoric such as “don’t come back here, keeping heading south” etc.

I chose not to inform her at this point that snakes don't understand the English language - just let it go.

I’m not an easily intimidated guy, consider myself worldly and brave in most situations.  This was not one of them.

Cherish your partners in life, it’s what makes everything work.

Sheriff Langston

[Fast Harley]

Thanks for sharing, Sheriff.....I think.
F.H.

[Fast Harley]

I have noticed that when a top shooter has a near squib, the next bullet and the first one hit
almost at the same time. The faster bullet is doing it's job, but the slower one, not so much. 
F.H.

[Fast Harley]

Today, I was forced out into the world, visiting six different stores, a gas station, post office,
AND the dentists office. Has anyone else noticed that the world of today is not the world we
used to know? Well, today I had WAY too much of the modern world! 
F.H.

[Fast Harley]

"The nicest neighbor is the one you've never met." - Stephan Pastis.
F.H.

[Fast Harley]

My favorite colors are: Black, pitch black, dark black, and faded black.
Kind of like the sky, today.
F.H.

[Uncle Ethan]

Today was not a good day for a gun fight. 
Tomorrow will be much better. 

[Hurricanecharly]

12 gauge is good medicine for snakes in the work shop!
Watch paint cans valuables , explosives ect...
When snake is taken care of use wood working tools to fix holes,.
That's what I do.

[Fast Harley]

  Well, just as long as you wear your safety glasses.....

[Hurricanecharly]

For the killing or the wood working?